Have you flown anywhere lately? OMG.
On my most recent trip to Charleston, I discovered that US Airways (and maybe this is the new policy with all the airlines?) automatically assigns you to a middle seat unless you pay $25 for a “choice” seat, which is either an aisle or a window.
Annoyed, I paid the $25. I have flown enough to know that otherwise I would end up sandwiched between two obese men with Sleep Apnea.
So I take my “choice” seat near the window, and a nice looking young man falls in next to me. Excellent, I think.
Until he tells me he was just in town for his third felony court date.
“Oh, uh huh.” I say with a smile as if he’s just told me he was in town visiting his elderly grandmother.
Now I’m trapped against the wall next to a criminal.
You can board a plane with your Record, but God forbid you carry-on your hairspray.
I’d take the felon over the man who started massaging my shoulders when I fell asleep, on my way to California.
I’d take the felon over the girl with chronic motion sickness who went through seven barfbags from Charlotte to Tampa.
And actually, I’d take the felon over the missionary who was EXCEPTIONALLY passionate about his recent trip to Africa, on my way home from Michigan (I had to pretend I was narcoleptic and “fall asleep” suddenly in the middle of his sermon. I didn’t “wake up” until I heard the beverage cart.) He backed off when he saw me order two mini-bottles of red wine.
An alcoholic narcoleptic? Guess he figured I was a lost cause.
Social seating on airplanes was introduced more than a year ago. On many airlines, you can now see if anyone in your social network is also on your plane. This is great and all, but I’d like to take it a step further.
Imagine a match.com-like website for airline patrons. Let’s call it “PlentyofFlyers.com.” A site where I could request my ideal seat-mate prior to booking my flight.
My profile would look something like this: Married white female seeking gay male seat mate with clean criminal record, who does not suffer from airsickness. Preferably not a smoker, loud talker or mouth breather. The more fabulous, the better.
Everyone wins in the scenario.
If I knew my seat-mate was going to be Andy Cohen, I’d be much more likely to fly anywhere. I’d look forward to the flight as much as the destination, and would probably get so lost in conversation, that I’d miss my connection and have to pass the time at the airport bar.
Should anyone reading this blog decide to steal this idea, please just “invite” me to join the site before anyone else.
I can’t take another flight like the last one…