Occasionally Todd and I will watch something weird on Netflix.
I especially like to watch shows documenting mental illness, obsessions, addictions, oh and any of those bizarre sex shows…
Last weekend, Todd and I watched like 4 straight hours of TLC’s Strange Sex.
Each episode more horrifying than the last.
One about a middle-aged couple using common kitchen utensils to beat, spank and prod each other – spatulas, wooden spoons, meat tenderizers. I’ve always said I wanted a man who was good in the kitchen. But I didn’t mean it…like that.
Another one about some British guy with more than 400 life-size sex dolls. Ga-Ross.
The most disturbing was an episode about a man who was speaking out against male genitalia mutilation in the US. Otherwise known as circumcision.
Basically he was implying that millions of heartless parents (like us) choose to mutilate their sons’ genitalia for absolutely no reason. Thus causing decreased “sensitivity” and ruining their sex lives forever.
What if this was true. What if we’ve succumbed to this medical tradition like every other chambray-shirt-wearing southerner who didn’t do their research before…snip.
Luckily for us, this brilliant man has invented The Tugger – Improving the World. One Penis at a Time.
A tapeless restoration unit that stretches the existing skin and eventually recreates the… ahem….foreskin.
Well THANK GOD.
I appreciate this man’s assiduousness to the cause, I really do.
But as he walks the city streets wearing his sandwich board with the big penis on it, does he ever think…
I look like a dick.
Let’s fight for cleaner energy! Ending hunger! World Peace! Foreskin!
Nope, that one doesn’t make my list.
After all, do we really want our men hornier than they already are?
In all seriousness, I hate to think I’ve contributed to any shortcomings (no pun intended) that my son might experience. But I’m sure his future wife will understand.
She might even thank me.