If you have kids at home, you likely spend a good portion of your day watching TV.
And thus likely spend a good portion of your day feeling like you live in an insane asylum.
The high-pitched voices.
The squeals of laughter. The over-exaggerated disappointment.
“Oh noooo, Alpha-Pig is toooo scared to go down the slide. What arrrrrrrre we going to do?”
And for whatever reason, kids like to watch the SAME episodes, and movies, over. And over. And over.
Todd and I can quote, word-for-word, Wreck-it Ralph, Toy Story, The Incredibles, Cars and Ratatouille… in their entirety.
I was complaining to a friend about this, and she gave me the BEST advice ever.
Use this valuable time… to spice up your marriage.
The next time you and your husband are forced to watch Shrek with your kids…sit very close to each other on the couch…
You: “Do you think Shrek’s a virgin?”
Your Husband: “No way. He gets all that swamp tail.”
You: “Maybe I could come visit you in the swamp later?”
Your Husband: “We could get down… like ogres….if my ass doesn’t get in the way.”
Basically you just pornify whatever you’re watching.
It will make you look at the “magic kingdom” in a whole new light.
Your Husband: “Hey baby…when [insert your kid’s name] goes down for a nap, I’m gonna tell your “toy” a “story.”
You: “Oh! Is that you….Woody?
I’m Buzz-eta…Buzz-eta Lightyear (if that’s not the perfect stripper name, I don’t know what it is)… And I’ll take you… to infinity….and beyond.”
You do this out of ear-shot of the kids of course (otherwise you’ll need to refer to this post, and it could get ugly.)
Plus, the secrecy will make it all the more sexy!!
When’s the last time you and your husband whispered to each other? It was probably at church – reminding each other to silence your cell phones. And chances are, it wasn’t hot…
The next time you’re watching Doc McStuffins for the 10,000th time…just have your husband give YOU a check up after.
Tell him he’s “Mr. Incredible” and show him your Elasti-girl moves…
In the words of Tow-Mater…just have fun, and…