Whims and Fancies

A Condiment Intervention

I have an inappropriate relationship with condiments.

Ketchup, gourmet mustard, vinaigrette dressing, garlic butter, ponzu, Worcestershire, spicy mayonnaise, relish, DIP DIP DIP!

I could smother my body in remoulade and hollandaise. It’s just. so. delicious.

And I’m pretty sure it’s the reason I’ll never be thin again.

Some people have a beer belly. Some people have a Béarnaise belly.

Our refrigerator was full, but not with actual food, and Todd had finally had enough.

He decided my obsession with culinary accoutrement had gone too far.

He pulled the recycling bin of doom over to the fridge.

To my horror, one by one, he chucked my gourmet pickle juice, apple cider vinegar, chili sauce, and jam, into the bin without regard.


Post intervention. Doesn’t she look so empty and sad?

“I’m taking our refrigerator back,” he said throwing his hands up in the air. “Someone has to make a stand!”

It’s true he found three jars of mayonnaise, half a dozen jars of banana peppers and several variations of expired chocolate sauce.

(I’ll admit my assortment of cocktail sauces rivaled Kim Kardashian’s shoe collection.)

Better keep him out of my closet.

Now my fridge and I feel equally empty inside.

Thank God he let me keep my two jars of minced garlic and Duke’s mayonnaise!

Things are about to get REAL bland up in here.

In memory of my fallen flavorings – here are a few of my favorite copycat restaurant condiments from around the blogosphere!


Texas Roadhouse Rolls and Butter

Olive Garden Salad Dressing

Outback’s Bloomin’ Onion Sauce

Chick-Fil-A Sauce

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1 Comment

  • Reply Adrian Green July 21, 2015 at 11:05 am

    You and my girlfriend would be best friends over your love of condiments.

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