The big day! I forgot to print off the cute sign I pinned like 6 months ago. Had to make mine at the last minute with some old cardboard and a Sharpie.
Parenting

Prayer for My Son on His First Day of Kindergarten

I’ve never understood why moms cry on the first day of kindergarten.

Until this past week when I sent my own son to kindergarten.

The big day! I forgot to print off the cute sign I pinned like 6 months ago. Had to make mine at the last minute with some old cardboard and a Sharpie.

The big day! I forgot to print off the cute sign I pinned like 6 months ago. Had to make mine at the last minute with some old cardboard and a Sharpie.

The morning of, I was too consumed with packing his lunch, leaving on time, finding a parking spot, remembering where his classroom was, etcetera, to think about crying.

In fact, I was on my way out of the classroom tear-free and feeling great!

When I heard him…

He wasn’t crying. He wasn’t calling out for me.

Worse.

I heard his little voice say, “Hi, I’m Colt. Nice to meet you.”

I turned back briefly to see his tiny hand extending toward another boy.

I was choking back the tears.

Trying to make it to the car before publicly bawling.

No WAY was I going to the Boo-Hoo Breakfast! (So the PTA could capture me ugly-crying for the yearbook? I don’t think so.)

I realized that kindergarten was the start of something new for Colt.

He was becoming his own person.

He was putting himself out there – vulnerable to disappointment.

What if someone didn’t like him? Or peer-pressured him? Or took advantage of his naiveté.

Or worse, what if he did those awful things to someone else?

I made it to work before losing my sh&t.

But then my coworker asked how it went…

Annnnnnnnnd I became the sobbing, blubbering mess I thought I’d never be.

I sat down at my desk and prayed.

Dear God,

Please let Colt be invited to sit at someone else’s (anyone’s??!!!) lunch table, and remind him to invite others to his.

(Also, if you could somehow make sure he actually eats his lunch, that would be a MIRACLE.)

Help him make good friend choices (like maybe not the first grader with the pack of cigarettes?)

Prepare him for disappointment and encourage him to be resilient.

Give him the confidence to be a leader (but not as bossy as his mother.)

Help him to know when to stand up for himself and when to walk away.

(And please help him remember NOT to use his ninja moves inside the classroom!!!)

Teach him to be cautious, but not afraid.

Remind him to be thankful for what he has (even if he doesn’t have the latest light-up tennis shoes, or a pet lizard, or a Range Rover, like the cool kid in class.)

But most of all, help his mother, Lord.

Help me to appreciate that my son is healthy, and happy, and that I’m lucky enough to be sweating the small stuff.

Help me to let him go, Lord.

Just a little.

(And should I be unable to do these things – maybe help me find a good psychiatrist?)

Amen.

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7 Comments

  • Reply sugartimecrafts August 31, 2015 at 9:25 pm

    Best ever!!!!!!! Words cannot begin to express the admiration I have for your writing talent. You put into words such wonderful feeling and insight.

    It seems funny but it’s so true that the last line speaks of getting help from a professional. Wise people know they don’t always know the answers, and seek knowledge from those who do.

    You and Todd keep loving your sweet boy and holding the light for him to see his way. He’s doing great and so are you! Love, Mom

  • Reply Audrey August 31, 2015 at 10:36 pm

    And now I’m crying (as I did during VPK drop off) . So, I can’t imagine next year. Your blog has had me in tears since day one, mostly through laughter but this one struck home. Keep up the good work, sista (and send on that shrink’s info).

  • Reply Sarah September 1, 2015 at 5:12 am

    I love your blog!!! it’s going to be lottie’s first day in first grade next monday SCARY!!!!

  • Reply Gina Herom September 1, 2015 at 6:00 am

    Julie, your blogs are the “highlight of my mornings….” I love reading your eloquent and hilarious views on life…. PLEASE don’t ever stop blogging. Your friend in the Outer Banks, Gina

  • Reply Michelle Duke September 1, 2015 at 9:56 am

    Love this and I second all of your prayers!! Sending thoughts and strength your way as he becomes a little man!!

  • Reply Todd September 1, 2015 at 11:11 pm

    I always mean to leave comments on your blogs and I always forget (even though I proof read each one and that you are remind me multiple times for days). I swear I would if there wasn’t a Rays game on every night.

    I can’t help but think of all the special memories that have happened since he was born. Watching him 1: use the table to help him stand up 2: seeing him walk to me the first time 3: my first bear hug (which was the best thing to ever happen to me) 4: getting a call when he used the big boy potty for the first time 5: reading books to him (and him tricking me into thinking he coupld read at age three only to find out later that he memorized the words on the pages) 6: putting on his baseball uniform (hopefully it’s not the last time seeing how he said he didn’t like it, which could be the only thing that would make me cry) 7: and finally, off to kindergarten (at this rate I should start writing my wedding speech).

    Love you two the most. Hopefully we’re able to make another one that’s just as special (hopefully that one likes baseball though).

  • Reply Eileen Weigle September 2, 2015 at 2:52 pm

    Julie, brought back a lot of memories! Love the blogs. I hope you continue them. If you get a chance look at a blog called peanutbutterfingers. She was a UF grad who was working and started this blog. She had enough sponsors that she was able to quit her job and make money doing the blog all the time. She moved to Charlotte recently and had a baby. I know of her through my Uncle. His girlfriend is her husband’s grandmother. Anyway, I follow her blog but I know she appeals to your age group and I know you can be as successful as her if that is what you want.

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