Parenting

Murdercycles and Lesbians – Kids Say the Darndest Things

bmw-vehicle-ride-bike-104842.jpgOne of the best reasons to have a child (besides the joy and love and all that) is to watch them learn a language.

It’s fascinating and downright hilarious (I’ve written about this before in Cocks on the Wall.)

I’ll never forget the time I told Colt we needed to read the directions before we played his new game.

“I already read the ERECTIONS (directions), Mom!” he said confidently.

Lately he’s been telling me he wants to get a “Murdercycle” someday (I’ve decided I’m not correcting him on this one.)

Yep, that’s what they are, and no, you may never get one.

He gets his tendency for mispronunciation mostly from his mother, although Todd thought Wachovia Bank was pronounced “Watch-Over-Ya” because, ya know, they “watch over ya money.”

[insert face plant]

When I was about 12 years old, I argued with my mother for 30 minutes over the word “condom.”

I was sure it short for “condominium.”

She assured me it wasn’t.

“You can say it EITHER way,” I insisted. “Condom OR Condominium.”

Nope. No you cannot.

Moreover, up until about middle school, I thought lesbians were foreigners…from a country called Lesbia.

Other linguistic mishaps included “Chester” drawers (like named after a man named Chester?), light “saver,” and “butt” naked.

I was 25 years old before I discovered “indicted” wasn’t pronounced “in-dick-ted.”

Colt couldn’t say his “L’s” for the wongest time. I was petrified he would NEVER say them at all (of course, the next week, he decided he could say his “L’s” just fine.)

Now I’d give anything to hear is wittle voice say, “wightning and funder.”

And I know it won’t be long before he stops saying “punkins” and “nahkins,” and “let’s go shopping at Puglicks.”

I write this because, I’m horrible at keeping any record of his little life.

My mother has a detailed scrapbook of my every move since birth. I have this blog (of which half the posts are about shape-wear and complete nonsense.)

As Colt matures and his vocabulary expands, I’ll probably have fewer funny phrases to transcribe.

But should he compare a high-rise apartment building to a latex rubber, or a female homosexual to a fictional country, I’ll be sure to write a blog post about it.

Stay tuned…

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