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Food, Marriage, Parenting

Valentine’s Day at the Awful House

These are places I hate to go – listed in order of least to most hated.

  1. The flea market
  2. The state fair
  3. Waffle House
  4. Chuck-E-Cheese
  5. Golden Corral

The common denominators? Pickup trucks and dirty fingernails.

My husband loooooooooves Waffle House.

(He actually loves all of the places listed above.)

He likes the cheap coffee, the single-ply napkins,

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Food, Parenting

We Go All Out for Groundhog Day

Why?

Because I believe that holidays that mean absolutely nothing should be celebrated with all of the exuberance and creativity of Christmas morning.

Really, I’m just looking for an excuse to eat more desserts.

“I’m sorry [insert personal trainer name], but you know how it is around Groundhog Day.

There are sweets everywhere. Cookies, fruit cakes, figgy pudding…

And with all the stress of the family in town,

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The report!
Diet, Exercise, Fitness, Food, Health, Weight Loss, Women

BMI and Cheddar Bay Biscuits

I was delivering letterhead to a little medical clinic when the marketing director offered to give me a free body scan on their new fancy schmancy BMI machine.

Awesome, I thought! Definitely a perk of the job!

(I had done this before at Publix waiting for a prescription, but this machine was different. Fancier…)

Classical music flowed from its speakers. It was probably pumping out pure oxygen.

I stepped onto the machine and a few moments later,

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Camel Toes die in the winter
Fall Season, Fashion, Food, Football, Love, Marriage, Women

6 Reasons I Can’t Wait for Fall

1. Pumpkin Spice Lattes at Fivebucks.

I mean Starbucks. It’s not my favorite time of year until I’m spending half my paycheck and one-fourth of my daily-calorie-intake on a 12 oz. cup of pie-flavored steamed milk.

2. Pants.

Let’s hope the high-waisted-shorts trend dies before the spring flowers bloom again.

When I was in college, the trend was LOW-rise shorts. So low, that girls’

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Dining, Food, Restaurants

Grilled Cheese. Not Rocket Science

It wasn’t Burger King, so I’m not sure why I expected to have it my way.

But on a recent lunch outing to a popular deli chain (cough, Jason’s Deli, cough), I had a hankering for a grilled cheese and cup of tomato soup.

Me: Do you have a grilled cheese on the menu?

Deli Kid: No, unfortunately we don’t.

Me: Oh, bummer, well is there any way you could make one?

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Food

Eating out has gone to shit

I like to eat out. I don’t like to cook. I hate doing dishes. And I don’t like leftovers.

For years, friends and family have been advising me not to eat out so often. It’s too expensive. It’s not healthy. Pesticides. Portions. Etcetera.

Well tonight, I take your advice Dad.  But not because the portions are too big, or because I could spend half my paycheck on Aussie cheese fries and Molten Lava Explosion cake,

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