I think it should be required that every teenager work at least three shitty jobs before they turn 18. We could make it like the military draft. Kids would sign up and get deployed to some dusty hell hole for a while. Nothing like an 11-month tour at the Cinnabon, or Perfumania, to get your head right.
Whims and Fancies
With only a few days left until Christmas, it should be the happiest time of the year.
But then you check Facebook to find that your Uncle Fred has called your Aunt Luna a racist bigot, and in response, she’s posted a waving American flag .gif because she’s really more American than he is.
In the words of Ellen Griswold, “I don’t know what to say except it’s Christmas, and we’re all in misery.”
I was leaving a sales call, heading toward my car in the parking garage.
I settled into my Prius and looked over to see a gray sweater in the passenger seat.
That’s funny, I thought.
I remembered bringing a black sweater to work today.
Then I noticed a water bottle in the cup holder. Hmmm, I had a Coke.
Suddenly I realized…
This is not my car.
Today I saw blue sky for the first time in what feels like months.
It was sunny and warm. (Albeit 103 degrees and muggy, but I’ll take it.)
I grew up in Florida so I’m used to the
summer weather patterns. Two hours of sunshine, 30 minutes of apocalyptic cloud-to-ground lightning, an hour of sunshine, and so on.
But the last few days have defied all meteorological paradigms.
I have an inappropriate relationship with condiments.
Ketchup, gourmet mustard, vinaigrette dressing, garlic butter, ponzu, Worcestershire, spicy mayonnaise, relish, DIP DIP DIP!
I could smother my body in remoulade and hollandaise. It’s just. so. delicious.
And I’m pretty sure it’s the reason I’ll never be thin again.
Some people have a beer belly. Some people have a Béarnaise belly.
Our refrigerator was full,
Since my city’s team made it to the Stanley Cup Finals this year (Go Lightning!), I’ve been watching A LOT of hockey.
Here’s what I’ve discovered – the good and the bad (mostly good, but we’ll start with the bad…)
First, I can’t see the damn puck.
Is anyone else having trouble focusing on the punctuation mark zipping around at warp speed?
It makes my eyes cross,
I guess the term “new” is relative here. I started my blog four years ago (before the Earth cooled) as a way to capture my miserable attempt at living a “Stepford wife” life. Those failures (and the occasional accomplishment!) have been the impetus behind my blog, and after a year off, I’m ramping it back up again!
I was SO excited when one of my sorority sisters nominated me for this award! She has given me a lot of encouragement to keep writing –
Today is World Naked Gardening Day, yay!
How will you celebrate this momentous occasion?
While I can truly appreciate this sentiment from the Body Freedom Collaborative…
Why garden naked? First of all, it’s fun! Second only to swimming, gardening is at the top of the list of family-friendly activities people are most ready to consider doing nude. Moreover, our culture needs to move toward a healthy sense of both body acceptance and our relation to the natural environment.
I’m a sales rep on a college campus.
For my job, I often carry heavy awkward boxes for delivery, in a skirt and heels.
I cradle these boxes between my knees and elbows while trying to open the door with my butt.
Amazingly, no one ever seems to notice me wedging my ass in the doorframe.
I realize you can’t HEAR me over the deafening sound of your Beats by Dre headphones.